This was about 6 or 7 summers ago; we were having a small function.  We had a guest at our in-laws’ home. He was my wife’s relative. He was sitting alone. I was busy doing my work. My mother in law called me. “nga, Go and talk to this person, poor guy is sitting alone. I am busy in the kitchen,  you should engage him”. I was like, “Me?? What will I talk to him about? I don’t have a ‘subject’ to talk to him”. She immediately responded, “I know you can talk on any subject and even without a subject. Just go sit next to him”. I duly obliged. Her interpersonal skills and the way she took care of people around always inspired me. If street smartness was personified as a woman, it would be her.

On another occasion, when we were attending my wife’s convocation, the speaker was repeatedly using the word ‘Graduand’. I had not heard the word before. I got a little carried away with my proficiency in English and said it was not the right word to use. She humbly corrected me that it indeed is a word and was used in the right context. Her language skills were always admirable and could comfortably speak in 4 languages (Tamil, English, Kannada and Telugu) and I guess a bit of Hindi as well. I had never seen any of my friends or family with that skill. Not just knowing the languages, her command in these languages and the ‘Art of speaking’ was incredible. She was a pro in that. 

The Shattering News:

The peace of our home was shattered to shards when we heard that she was diagnosed with Breast cancer. This was in October 2016. I had hardly known anyone in my circle to get this disease. I had recently read about a cancer survivor in one blog. So the immediate feeling was, we can find the right treatment for her and would be able to cure her as well. Financially we were stable, and we thought we were in a good position to offer the best of the possible treatments.

Except…

The second opinion we obtained in Bangalore did confirm that she was in ‘Stage 4’ and she had a maximum of two more years to survive. I refused to believe it. I reached out to all the possible contacts in my circle who would be able to guide us with the treatment options. My friend Dr.Madhan reached out to the experts in the Delhi State Cancer Institutes and some doctors in Tamil Nadu with the reports. My brother in law (Nithin) discussed with the doctors in the US. We did not hear a word of hope from anyone (or at least from the qualified specialists). We were desperate to hear a word from someone that would console us to save a life. Unfortunately, there wasn’t one. Nithin was due to come to India the next month and when he came, we met the best cancer specialists in Bangalore. That’s when I got familiar with the terminologies like oncology, surgical oncologist, PET CT, Chemotherapy etc. Those days were painful.

 

Oncology et al.:

Dr. Sandeep Naik and Dr.Suresh Babu - two of the renowned doctors in the field of oncology run a clinic in Jayanagar. It’s a small clinic, but that carried some heavy emotions of the people who visited there. Patients would come with lost hair. That very sight was intimidating. It warned us of what was going to come in the future. Their eyes were filled with despair or hope at times. When we visited them, we had to wait for about 45 minutes. (You also come to terms with the waiting time when you meet the “Specialists” – and the consultation time). If you have not visited such specialists in your life, please appreciate it. You are blessed.

 Dr.Sandeep Naik examined the reports and comforted the patient. He was a very good communicator. My mother in law could understand English and could speak reasonably as well. He told her exactly as much as a doctor should tell a cancer patient and Nithin and I had to go back for a quick meeting to understand things in black and white. He confirmed that she was indeed in Stage 4 and he recommended a PET CT to confirm the severity of the developments. But with the earlier reports, he advised that this cannot be cured and we can only provide support to improve the quality of the rest of her life and at best, the patient was looking at two more years of survival. I had never heard a more cruel message in my life.

Nithin and I decided to keep that to ourselves. My wife was expecting. So I didn’t want to tell her the full story, though she kind of guessed what was happening. We didn’t want to reveal this to my father in law as well. We somehow convinced everyone that it can be cured with the best of the treatments. The doctors had initially prescribed some medication and we told everyone that with this medicine we will see improvements. I remember the journey back from the clinic to home. My mother in law did seem to notice something and asked him, “This is not like you driving. Typically when you drive we don’t feel any jitters. It's not like that now. What’s running in your mind? Are you hiding something from me?”. Maybe she sensed all this, she possibly knew all that was happening around her. But she never wanted to discuss much about it and spoil the mood of the family. She was still taking care of us, like every mother does. Games within a game.

 

Why? :

There are pains of undergoing a PET CT. It is a costly procedure. It cost around 25000 INR per scan. The doctors always suggested to us the economical options of performing whatever procedure they recommended. For e.g, the same scan would cost about 20 - 30% more in Apollo or Fortis Compared to Clumax. We did not have insurance. Having insurance would not have helped either. You can’t stop wondering about the non-sense of the insurance clauses in India. They come up with innumerable conditions so that you would try to avoid reaching out to them as much as possible. Compared to the developed countries we have a long way to go in the field of insurance. I am aware, there are plenty of untold stories of sufferings of people with insurance and without ‘coverage’.

This PET CT Procedure takes about 2 hours including the preparation time. I was working for Philips healthcare. I had a fair idea about how scans work. For the uninitiated, PET CT is a scanning technique that sends radioactive substances into your body and observes the changes in the metabolic processes. For cancer patients it identifies the extent to which the cancer cells have penetrated your body and to which areas. Any CT scan requires the metals in your body to be removed. My mother in law had to remove her jewels and ‘Thali’ and hand it over to me. Most of the time, it was only me accompanying her to the scan centre. Every time we had to do the PET CT, whenever she handed over the ‘Thali’ to me I would be jerked. I could never handle it emotionally. I somehow managed to not show the emotions.

The result of the PET CT is something you do not want to see, especially if the patient is battling the later stages of cancer. The cancer cells would have encroached the entire body, it's like rats running ruckus in a grain storage. You would see your precious biological organs being eaten by the cancer cells literally. Later, another day when I took my mother in law for a movie, we saw the cancer awareness advertisement at the beginning. She asked me, “I never smoked, never had liquor or any form of tobacco, why did I end up with cancer?”

Alternate Medicine :

After our first visit to Dr.Sandeep Naik’s clinic we had all but given up on Allopathy medicine. They had advised us to come after a couple of months and start Chemotherapy in an attempt to extend the inevitable. We discussed and wanted to avoid the pains of undergoing Chemotherapy. One of my acquaintance’s father had cancer. He suggested us to meet some of his contacts to try out ‘Alternate Medicine’ and that’s how our journey of Alternate medicine was started,

The first person we met was an organic farmer who claimed to be an expert in making ‘Panjakavyam’. We all know what Panjakavyam is, right? Panjakavyam is made of cow urine along with the other dairy products. He was very confident about its effectiveness on his agri products and suggested the same would work to treat cancer as well. He was a follower of late.Nammazhvar (A famous Organic farming activist in Tamil Nadu. He also suggested avoiding certain types of foods and non-veg completely. We did make her take Panjakavyam and all the diet food that we were recommended. But we were not seeing any signs of improvements and we knew we were running out of time. We were in constant search of other options.

We also met another person who believed his wife had successfully overcome Breast Cancer because of the ‘Alternate Medicine’ they followed. He suggested that we go and meet the “Siddhar” in Badravathi (A city in Shimoga district located about 280Kms from Bengaluru). The Siddhar gives a medicine that allegedly cures cancer. The very words he used were, after taking the medicine, the tumours will shrink and fall off like ashes. He gave us a contact (let’s call him Vikram) who would help us when we went there. When I called Vikram, he told me I can come and collect the medicine any time, just that I would have to inform him a day in advance so that they would prepare the medicine afresh. He also said that the medicine would cost 40k.

 One of my wife’s cousins and I were all set to go to Badravathi but he dropped out at the last moment. I decided to go alone. I loathe solo travels to new places. I don’t know why, but for some reason I have always wanted someone’s company on any trip.  This time I was all alone in a passenger train that goes from Bengaluru to Shimoga. If you ever want to see all colours of human life, travel in a passenger train, especially if there is one at night. I landed in Badravathi in the early morning about 4 AM. I had been told by Vikram to catch an autorickshaw to go to Subramanya temple. It’s about 8kms from the railway station and there were hardly any signs of human habitats on the way there. The auto took a right from the main road and went into what looked like a typical unmanned forest. There were no lights. It was pitch dark. I wondered whether this was the right place and called Vikram at 5 O Clock in the morning. He confirmed that this was the place and told me to walk further about 100 meters to the temple.

When the auto left, I was really scared. I was standing in a place where there were no humans in the vicinity and had no idea whether I would get to meet someone at all even if I went further. I was also carrying money that put me even more in the spot of bother. This all could be a conspiracy, right? I thought, “Someone’s plotting against me. I am trapped.” Anyway, I had no other options than moving ahead. Fortunately for me, after walking for about 5-10 mins I found some light. (Light at the end of the tunnel, literally and figuratively). I saw a temple there. There was a small hill and this temple was on top of it.  It looked like a typical Lord Muruga temple in Tamil Nadu. (Imagine a smaller version of Palani). I have been to Arupadai Veedu (The six famous temples of Lord Muruga in Tamil Nadu) and other famous temples. So, seeing a similar one there gave me a sense of relaxation. Construction work was going on and the newly constructed steps took me to the temple without much fuss. Finally, I found someone at the temple and he welcomed me. Rather surprisingly, there were rooms to stay. They had been recently built and were really clean. That new person asked me to stay in any of the rooms. I was relieved and grabbed some sleep. Don’t imagine a 3-star bedroom with all the amenities. It's just a clean room with a fan. You have to sleep on the floor and take a bath in the tap water. Good enough or rather, more than good enough compared to what I originally expected.

I called home and told everyone that I am safe. At least I wanted to tell that to myself. I saw someone walking. Two rooms next to mine, there was an Aunty staying. I started talking to her. She was all in awe of this place and told me that she comes from Coimbatore and her daughter has an incurable disease. After taking the medicine she started showing signs of recovery. This was some ray of hope for me. I am a firm believer in medical science. My logical thinking suggested I should not believe in this. However I had come this far. So, why not go ahead and hope for a miracle? What if life has chosen me to play that miracle?

Apparently, this place would host a lot of pilgrims during “Thaipoosam” (Or Panguni Uththiram, I am not sure). The Swamy here is considered to be carrying some divine powers, like how everyone of the godmen of our country claims. I was told he is more than 100 years old and he has cured a lot of patients with his touch. The medicine he gives is hoped to be curing the toughest of diseases. This entire temple was constructed by the money offered by Swamy’s devotees. When I later met Swamiji, I understood he could barely walk or move. But the amount of money that the devotees have splurged, has helped him construct a big sized temple. Mind boggling. The money that is spent on temples and in general, religions is beyond imagination. I have seen it from the place I hail from. People who are reluctant to spend money on their children’s education or for their own health for that matter, go and spend thousands and millions on their religion. I really hope for some sanity to prevail. This is all unaccounted money. Nobody can even track this. In my ambitious world, one day in India we will have a gutsy enough leader that will help us bring out and curb all the black money transactions.

Let’s get back to Badravathi temple. I was offered a good breakfast. There are volunteers who help the workers in the temple to prepare food and serve to the visitors. The visitors were typically the devotees, medicine seekers or the regular visitors to the temple. Vikram came there after I had breakfast. He enquired about my stay and ensured all was well. He asked me to show the reports of my mother in law and asked some ‘diagnostic’ questions. After all that, he said he will convey all the information to Swamiji and it will take till the evening to prepare the medicine. We had a group of people visiting from Kerala. They were also undergoing the same process. I was offered a good lunch as well. After spending some time in and around the temple, in the evening, I was called to meet the Swamiji to get the medicine.

Swamiji was old. Could barely talk or walk.  He looked like a typical Siddhar with a long beard and all that. Swamiji and Vikram are the only two people that run the temple. Vikram gave me the diet plan, medicine with instructions after getting a touch of blessings from Swamy. I made a note of all the instructions and paid 37000 rupees and returned home the same night.

I did go to the place once again and paid about 10000 next time. But on both my trips, I could sense that both Vikram or the Swamiji didn’t have the bare minimum education to understand what cancer is. I was being cheated in the name of religion and god powers. I was totally aware. But then did we have a choice? A big No! This is when you realize your education, intelligence and smartness don’t work when you get into desperation. You will end up doing foolish things hoping for miracles – only to be exploited by many around you.

Episode 2 of the exploitation on a larger scale:

            We took the medicine for a couple of months. There was no perceived change in the size of the tumour or the pain. That is when we were informed by someone to try out the Narayanamurthi, Ayurvedic cancer treatment in Shimoga. Shimoga is no new place to us, it is right after Badravathi to where I had already done a couple of trips. But here, the ‘medicine’ would be given on specific days. Mostly on week days. We were told that there was a big group of people waiting to get the medicine, and hence to try to go as early as possible. So we started one night by train, and reached there early in the morning. Before even the train stopped, you could see many getting down from the running train and running like mad chickens to the auto stand. We were no different. We duly followed the procedure and reached the place. The autos would drive crazily to get you to the Ayurvedic centre and hastily return to pick up the next savari. Insane sights.

            This place is a village. There are hardly any facilities. Nor is this a hospital. You will not have a proper toilet, water or food. You need to manage with whatever you have brought or whatever the small shops opened there would give you. When we reached, there were already hundreds of people that had stayed there overnight, some still sleeping under trees, on their cars, on  roads etc. Some were brushing and going out in search of places to attend their nature’s call. This place is visited by almost a thousand people on the days when they give medicine.

Word of mouth is a blessing. Word of mouth is an evil. The people who turn up there are from all the south Indian states. They come in hope, they come in desperation, they come in search of the last ray of hope for their loved ones. You will hear stories of pain, agony and stress. Not only that, there would be stories of cure, rejoice, miracles, and resurrection. But this is all a myth. India is a place where you can sell myths, rather very convincingly. That was my learning having gone through this entire episode of ‘Alternate medicine’. From the Organic farmer to the Siddhar in Badravathi to the Ayurvadic practitioner in Shimoga and to the other lady we met in Mukkali, Kerala, They were all selling myths – for big money though. Not backed by any scientific evidence, they make a living out of it. I am reasonably sure that those that sell these myths, they themselves don’t know they are faking it – they strongly believe that their myths would make miracles and it is a pity that the receiver doesn’t know they are being cheated either. This is a vicious cycle – unfortunately it ends up deciding the fates of many.

In one of my visits to Dr.Suresh Babu, I asked him directly. “There are people that are queuing up day in and day out to get the medicine from Shimoga, and you’re saying that it has no impact and it's all a myth. How is this possible? Surely not all of them can be naïve to accept and promote such things, right?” He patiently replied, “I am aware of this place, Prakash. If that medicine is proven to cure/make even small improvements in cancer treatment, I will be the first to recommend and research it. But it is not. When people are left with no hope, which we have to clearly communicate in some cases, they try out some other options. We cannot say no to that. But eventually some day they will find out this isn’t helping. Or they will keep following till the inevitable, assuming it is keeping the patients healthy – which might be because of the nature of the spread itself.”

The spectrum of ‘beliefs’

People have different levels of understanding on a subject. In my exploration of this, the fact has been really vindicated. You cannot go and explain to someone that their belief is wrong. The belief takes over them so much that they are really convinced and spread those to others in an earnest attempt to help their acquaintances. We live in a world where there are firm believers who believe that a Ganesha idol can drink milk on its own, ink on beetle leaves can find lost items, time of birth can predict your future and all sorts of such myths. I am reminded of a place in Tamil Nadu - Vaitheeswaran  Temple, where they say there is a document (olaichuvadi) available for every born and to be born human being of the world written by our ancestors. Ironically it is not one, but there are many astrologers that can fetch it for you. I couldn’t believe this even when I was kid, but then the very fact that it happens here and people go and believe is a proof of what we are taught to believe for ages. The unconditional beliefs on spiritual customs and not questioning their credibility has always made me feel bad for those who follow it. We are taught to believe science and a sane head would always ask radical questions about anything that defies science.

I was a victim as well. One day we were told to go to a mosque, where in a prayer hall all will be assembled. You have to place both your palms on the floor and pray for something. If the Lord is going to approve your prayer, both your palms will come together and touch each other. To my astonishment, everyone who I met there told me that their palms indeed joined and they had a sense of relaxation in them. Note, this is not a small crowd. There were about 500 people present there. I could only wish for their wellbeing and may they be relieved of their sorrows.

This was sort of a repetition in that year. We tried all possible medicines, all possible temples, rituals and spoke to all those who had sufficient knowledge in that subject (or even the amateurs)  to understand the nuances of this disease so that we don’t leave any stones unturned. I was in a discussion with one of my relatives, who had recently lost his 20 year old son to cancer. He told me that he drove overnight and day to Rajasthan (For about 2000 Kms in a day) where someone told him they are giving cancer curing medicine. But he couldn’t save him as well.

While all this was happening, in Shimoga I met a mother and son who had come to get the medicine. They told that she was in the early stages of cancer and they couldn’t afford treatment so they were coming here. But I personally told this kid (he was in his final year of college), not to believe this and recommended him to take his mom to a proper cancer treating hospital. Women generally are worried about their breasts being removed which they believe will lead to embarrassment and unwanted talk in their society and they delay the treatment as much as possible, which results in their own dismay. I told them to take this seriously in early stages before it goes out of hand. Fortunately, they listened and after a few months we got a call from them saying they had done the surgery to remove breasts and she’s out of cancer. I felt really relaxed.

The Practical call:

This – our search for alternate medicine - went on for a while. But her health started deteriorating rapidly. She started complaining of back pain. We went back to Dr.Suresh Babu & Sandeep Naik. They were surprised that we didn’t come back to them after the initial assessments. They could even guess what we would have been doing all those (about six) months. They resumed their investigation. This time, her back bone had been severely damaged. They initially suggested an immediate surgery and they felt that it would be so severe on her body and suggested for some ortho back support – this is kind of a ‘belt’ that you need to wear supporting your spine always. It will help to alleviate some pain. However, considering her current health, they also suggested that she immediately start Chemotherapy.

Both these doctors are visiting doctors to many hospitals. This time we were in HCG, a famous cancer treatment centre in Bangalore.  For the ortho back support, we had to go to MS Ramaiah Orthopedics, where we understood they treat you with world class ortho equipment. While the back support was a temporary relief we had to start chemotherapy in order to provide a better quality of life. We started chemotherapy in Bangalore Hospital. (The name itself is ‘Bangalore’ hospital). The doctors had suggested the chemotherapy medicine to be purchased directly from the vendors – to reduce the cost. While Dr.Sandeep Naik is a Surgical oncologist, Dr. Suresh Babu is a specialist in Chemotherapy. He was very patient in answering all my questions and I kind of developed a good friendship with him in those days.

As my wife was expecting at that time, she could not stay in the hospital with her mom. It would be me, my mother in law, and her Sister in law, Malar in the hospital. We were the trio in most of the subsequent hospital visits. Though the situation was grim, we typically made it light by not talking too much about the illness. We inherently being positive people helped us overcome the nausea that the hospital visits were.

The Other Problems

Initially we were suggested to do three or four rounds of chemotherapy and later based on how she reacts it would be continued. My mother in law started staying with us for the first three chemotherapies that were done in three weeks intervals. For the six or seven weeks that she had stayed with us, there were rumours already spreading in her village about her health. That’s the curse of living in a village, along with the boons that it brings. And she started worrying about facing the villagers when she went back. She wanted to keep her health details confidential. We did not tell anyone about what exactly she was undergoing. She was more worried about the loss of hair that would follow the chemo treatment and then others would come to know her sickness. We even devised a plan to shave her head off, offering to the god in response to a prayer.

This is a precarious situation of our society. When it comes to treating patients, we are not great. We don’t show any signs of sympathy about the diseased. We rather ill-treat them or bad mouth them in their absence. Especially with respect to some diseases, we treat them like untouchables. Never in our wildest imaginations, we believe that this could happen in our very family, let alone oneself. Life can throw surprises to anyone anytime. The least we should be doing is to belittle our fellow human beings for their shortcomings.

Palliative care

Her health was not getting any better. At one point, doctors decided to stop chemotherapy suggesting that her condition would not let us do chemotherapy anymore. We were advised to continue with palliative care. What is palliative care? – It is nothing but a dire situation where there is no more cure expected with the current treatment and we will need to treat based on the symptoms that surface. In one of the many discussions I had with Dr.Suresh Babu, I asked him, “How do you manage the stress, Doctor?”. He opened up, “It is not easy , Prakash. You have to find your own ways to come to terms with it and it is an unforgiving exercise to repeat the same for many, many patients. The only solace we can take up is, we are able to cure many of the patients but some we cannot do much. Once, when I was asked to head the Paediatric Oncology department in a famous cancer institute in Chennai, I declined that offer. I felt it would be even more taxing on my mental health”. I was shocked that kids end up with cancer. In my wildest imaginations I couldn’t believe a kid can bear the rigours of this treatment, nor their parents. I wish and pray, I never hear any news of anyone impacted by this disease.

In this journey, it would be remiss if I don’t mention the flexibility my office provided. I was working for Philips healthcare at that time. Philips is a company which is widely known for its excellent work-life balance. Even in the pre-covid era, work from home, or flexible work timings were not new for Philips. Their policies were a lot people friendly and it is one of those companies which really cared about their employees. I used to take early offs and at times work from hospitals (in my own interest) and when we explained it to the management they always were in support to attend our family needs, Leaves were always like I-decide-I-take-my-leaves. All done without any compromise on my career with the company. Sure enough, Philips is one of the best companies to work for in India.

Time was flying. We were racing against the ultimatum that doctors had originally given. Two years, it was. We had about 6 months left. She got Jaundice. Again, as advised we proceeded with palliative care. This time though, we had insurance. I had opted for a corporate health insurance which covered pre-existing illness as well. Nithin had to come from the US as her health was getting worse every day. If I remember it right, we stayed in the hospital for about a week three times. I remember a nurse telling us, “At this stage I have seen many leave the patients in the hospital and go away. But you are staying here, taking care of the patient is a great thing”. Yes, Family - of all the ‘systems’ that this county has managed to degrade and kill - remains as an unassailable system that binds hearts together. We can happily live in this country just for this very sake.

That day!

Even this time, in her swansong days someone told that there is someone in Mukkali, Kerala who gives some medicine to  cure cancer. When my father in law asked whether we should go and check, I immediately said yes, we didn’t want to leave any stone unturned. We travelled all the way to Kerala to get a few bottles of liquid ‘medicine’ in a final attempt to cure her. Having very well known that this is just going to be another episode in our futile journey of ‘Alternative Medicine’ we still went. That was again the last throw of our dice and it hardly made any difference. 

Meanwhile we had to manage the relatives who were thronging us saying we should have informed them. We needed to manage this as well. Even in her last days, we managed not to tell them about the actual disease. Only in the final few days we revealed the condition. And they took it out to build a lot of stories, which came back to hurt us in many ways.

I was heartbroken (to say the least) to see someone trying to loot money even in that situation from us in the name of doing poojas. Well, thinking a little maturely, I couldn’t stop myself from blaming the numerous stupid practices that happen in the name of religion and the society that has accepted it without any reasoning. What’s even more appalling was, we were even accused of not taking care of her well enough because that would cost a lot of money. I could only feel bad for their foolishness. Another incident, where someone else cursed me on face, saying I am encroaching a lot of space in their family. That was a moment of understanding harsh realities of how people look about you. In one situation you may be entrusted to make life decisions for others, but in another your mere presence would make others uncomfortable and this is for weird reasons. Some practical and some not really. You have to move on.

All this happened while she was hospitalized for the third time and while we were just counting the hours. Eventually that night came. THAT NIGHT! That night which can be humbling to anyone, That night which can teach the lessons of this frail life, That night which can slap anyone as hard as it can get and  That night which I never believed should come, indeed came. A doctor did his final investigation and said, “As you know, her time has come. We can extend the inevitable by keeping her with the support for a few more days, But that is not going to help her anymore”. There we lost her, we would not be able to hear from her anymore. Her engaging presence, sheer optimism, sparkling aura and just the way she carried herself all her life – I am sure I am not going to find anyone like that ever.

I went and saw her inside the ICU finally. This disease had taken every bit of her. Her face was hardly the same self that she was a year ago. She totally looked like someone else. Nurse came in to do the discharging formalities. I requested her to clean her up and make her more presentable when she was discharged. Yes, Presentable. For someone, who lived like a queen, it would only be appropriate if she is made to depart like a queen. 

This entire debacle happened between Oct 2016 to May 2018. It has been 4+ years since she left us. But memories of her have hardly faded away. She hardly spoke about death. It was more because, I think, she was not scared about it, but wanted to keep us in the positive frame of mind always. Some of the comments made by the relatives and neighbours did disturb her at the end, but she always wanted to remain as bold as ever. Even in her final days when she lived off morphine, she never wanted to give up and cooperated for all the medical procedures. She remained a true fighter. 

I wanted to write this and keep it documented for multiple purposes. It is for people to know the ordeal by a family when they are faced with tough situations and also for my children to appreciate how as a family, we faced tough times and came out of it to build this ‘home’. For me, this was a relationship that came in the middle of my life. Someone that was caring for me as much as my mother was. Also, she was a unique woman that I admired greatly. But this relationship was not to last long. That would be the only regret of my life. As I grew up, I gave up a lot of superstitions and started thinking rationally. However, If I am allowed to be superstitious and given a boon for only one divine request, I would bring her back alive, without any other deliberations.

I was given an assignment to write a program to read a “.out” file and extract the symbol table and the other meta data. This was one of the first assignments in my programming career. This came as part of the boot-camp training in the first company that I worked. We were about 30 odd people in that batch and with all due respect to others, I thought only Veeraswamy (aka Veera – as we fondly call him) could solve this and I possibly had an outside chance. Even if I end up solving it, it would take a day for me. When I was telling all this to a friend from another batch, he told Udayakumar (Uday) had competed it in about 45 mins.

That’s how we (those from the boot camp) started to compare and talk about these two nerds. Both of them were from same college. Both had studied in non-CSE backgrounds. Veera – ECE and Uday – E&I.

Veera became by roommate after the training. It was my early nature, to try and outsmart the people around me. But with every discussion and argument, I started to feel that I am talking to someone in different league. He had extremely good memory – that I could only envy of. While I did envy him, I couldn’t help but admire how his brain worked. How it could store, collate and process so much information and how much that memory can hold up to. 

We fought for so many things. Our views hardly matched. Even now I remember, we could have ended up with physically attacking each other any day. But we never broke up we stayed on as friends. When we occasionally catch up now, we joke about those days. 

I distinctly remember a conversation with him after  a dinner, where I touched upon some Moghul Empire and Veera went on to lecture about the entire Moghul dynasty in details – to a precision which was unbelievable to me. To do it without preparation and having studied it years back and to deliver it suddenly when no one expected you to – it was surreal. I had petty prides in remembering some of the old poems I studied or a math concept I learned in school. All that were shattered. 

What's astonishing with Veera was that he could do that for many and many subjects we studied. Be it Electronics, Physics or time travel. He could pick that information, like picking up a document from disk and talk about it for long. That brain was capable of storing and processing data like an expert of years would do. 

In a programming class, which was about inheritance, Veera asked the trainer, “If you say the derived class should be destructed first and base class later, it is akin to I have a father and I am the son, and son dies first and father dies later. Is that how it works?”

Well, to simply put, he was not ordinary. 

Uday was not that different in the way that the brain worked. He was a genius of his own sort. While we all had compilation issues in C, he would develop a Java application and would come and tell us, “This morning, I thought we need a separate application to handle this. I thought it is better to do it in Java” and not having written any line of code in Java, he could come up with a production worthy tool in the afternoon. While a hardware Engineer was absent, he would jump into soldering the circuit components. You could see him talk about Tamil literature and another day English literature. In a team meeting where the manager was present, you could not distinguish who the manager and who the report was. 

Once he and I were tasked to conduct an organization wide coding competition. While I had self doubts, Uday was doing it like a seasoned pro. He didn’t even try to get help from others. He told me, “Prakash. Too many cooks will spoil the show. We will decide the winners by ourselves”

I was like, “Dude, Are you serious?” The competition was thrown open to 3000 odd people. Though we had only about few tens of submissions, Uday had the audacity to set the question by himself, wrote a test application and evaluated the submissions and declared the winners as well. What was I doing there? I was just watching. I realized, When you have a partner and he is a genius just enjoy watching him and let him be in the flow. 

Later when I was deputed for another project in Chennai, Uday became my room mate for six months. Unlike with Veera, fortunately, I didn’t have to fight with Uday a lot. But he never failed to surprise me – like, by walking three kilometers when the bus was getting late, riding a bike for about 550 kms at a stretch to his native, going for a serious trek and doing it like he does it for every day or preparing poori for me in the morning and packing it and keeping it ready before I started to office. 

He was a Mad-genius, a friend you can trust if your life depends on anything. One day Uday told me, “Prakash, while attending interviews, you must remember, the company should not select you, instead you should select the company”. I was awestruck by that statement and the clarity that he had at the age of 21. But he was definitely telling what he could and would do. 

I parted ways with Uday and Veera about 10 years back. We have hardly spoken after that. But my thought process has hugely been impacted by these two mavericks. For the rest of my life, I ll travel with these two personas.

 

A milk-selling teenager, Annamalai, is walking calmly on the road. A car coming besides him splashes mud on him and goes past him. He gets angry and throws a stone at the car. A fight unfolds between this boy and the rich kid that travels on the car. In a sweet twist, they go on to become friends from there and there is a lot of drama around their egos that arise because of the financial barrier that separates them. Once the best friends would become arch-rivals and Annamlai would take the challenge of raising himself above the status of his friend to prove a point that money shouldn’t interfere in pure relationships. Him being the protagonist would go on to achieve unprecedented heights teaching his friend great lessons, and inspiring millions of Tamils with the journey. A true rags-to-riches story.

On the other rags-to-riches story, we have Chinraasu, A Perennial loser. He goes to school, he fails. He does something to inspire his father and he fails even more miserably. He has a ray of hope that his love with his girl would turn his life round. But that becomes the biggest of all failures when she leaves him stating he is just unfit for anything. Chinraasu loses his heart. He convinces himself that he is a loser and starts accepting the way life is. Except, he finds a new love who instils belief in him and boy, Chinraasu would work out of his skin and with this new lady luck (literally and figuratively) he would go on to become a successful business phenomena himself and would gain more on more laurels from his family that originally abandons him for his earlier misdeeds.

Annamalai is the protagonist of the movie “Annamalai” released in 1992 and “Chinraasu” is the lead character of the movie “Suryavamsam” released in 1997. In a sense both are true reflection of the state of the youth, or society or even our country for that matter in those years. I am reminded of “Varumaiyin Niram Sigappu” another gem in Tamil cinema which was released in 1980. The hero “Rangan” (One of Kamalhaasan’s memorable roles) could never become an Annamalai or Chinrasu. The times he lived in was not suitable to explore his skills. You can also argue that Rangan was impractical and he should have learned to create his own ways of becoming successful. But in theory his opportunities were limited. Let’s stick to that.

The booming economy of 90s aided by globalisation unlocked the opportunities for Annamalai and Chinraasu. And to dream of such success is a story of every household. Having personally seen such success stories, I am never short of inspirations around me. But to seem them in movie, with all the drama and presentation, it was surreal. I often have this discussion with my father what is success. It’s very bad that most often the financial success is what people think success is. But it is not a bad yardstick either. One thing I can vouch for sure, once you take the financial insecurities out of the equation, the world you could explore becomes even larger. It’s unfortunate that many that work their hell out don’t get out of this shackle and end up being termed as losers. You may call it a luck. Well, it could be!

Coming back to our heroes, Yes, they were fantasies. But they taught a lesson of values. They never took any shortcuts. Annamalai is reluctant to get money from politician as a capital investment and only after convincing that he would repay from his business returns he agrees to borrow. So is Chinaraasu when his peers come up with a strategy for his transport business to allure local travellers with a female conductor. Chinraasu makes his point clear that it is a cultural violation and stops it straight away also incorporates innovative strategies to stand out in his business. In a stark contrast, The Mangathas, Pokkiries, Sullans and Rajini murugans go on to any extreme to compromise all their values to gain something in life which is a paradigm shift to their predecessors. This is wrong and I call them social evils.

Get back to the track. The most convincing aspect of Annamalai and Chinraasu is how they handle success. They remain the same as they were earlier. Annamalai is quick to embrace and support his friend when he loses all his assets and offers to save his family that is sinking in debt. So does Chinraasu when he offers a job for his ex lover’s spouse in his company. Man, the choice of words is a stir of emotions. Chinrassu remains unscathed. Not emotional with his old love. Gently says, if your husband doesn’t have any prestige issues in working with me, I don’t have any concerns offering this job. Funnily though, Chinraasu’s wife (A district collector herself, A real cliché!) takes a real dig at her. Could have avoided, but we all need that kick, ain’t we?

For a reason, movies are representation of the state of the society we live in. Annamalai and Chinraasu are true reflection of what those 80’s and 90’s kids were born and brought up with. We longed for success. We believed hard work would mean success. We believed values are something you can never compromise on. That defined us and that, dear boys and girls, is a copybook definition.

 

Meet us along with Lord Navaladiyan, the protagonist of the story that I am presenting you this time.

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Spoiler Alert: if you’re a believer in certain ideology/beliefs and would find yourself be disturbed to accept others the way they are, if you’re a vegetarian averse to non-vegetarian rituals, I request you to move away. I am also aware certain section of people are ‘interested’ in your caste and get ‘clues’ from your customs. I deliberately want them to be disillusioned by discussing this subject in detail. Don’t ask whether I am a believer or an atheist, let me remain just a storyteller.

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Navaladian is one of the Avatars of our gods “Karuppannaswami”. A Karruppannaswami, an iyyernar or Muniyappan are believed to be the gods that stand and save our borders against evil forces. Some call it “Siru Deivangal”(small gods), ironically they are not, they are giants. You can see them with big build, a big mustache and the biggest of the swords. Some carry guns as well. They are basically hunters, accompanied by a dog or a horse that would help them hunt down the evils. They eat anything a hunter would eat, primarily non-veg in its most possible raw form. For example, we sacrifice cocks and sheep to them along with Pongal (Not the sweet Pongal, it is the sweet-less Pongal that you make by over-boiling the rice and making it in the Pongal form) and mix it with raw blood and do a Pooja where we would also offer a peg of liquor. A peg may be an understatement, it indeed is large (or full however you call it). Of all the liquor he is believed to prefer, “Patta Sarayam”. Again, The liquor in its most raw form. These gods are none but our own men, only a little exaggerated. But the theme is that they would be with us to save us, they would go any extreme to save our families, the family groups, or the villages in general.

Navaladian is one of them that stays in Cauvery riverbed. By virtue of being under “Naval” Tree he gained this name, As I remember from one of my ancestors. The temple built around him is about 500-1000 years old and is in Mohanur, Namakkal District, Tamilnadu. It takes a 60Kms drive from my place. Turning back my clock 25 years back, I would go to this temple along with my relatives who were mostly lower middle-class families, by hiring a tempo-traveler which is typically a goods carrier vehicle. Not that there were no buses, we found this was the most convenient, less budget travels, which would also let us load it with our utensils to cook and to board the lambs and cocks we were going to offer. Smell of the stained goat skin, cock feather and its faeces remain in my memories.

Usually we plan to reach there an early Sunday morning. We would reach there, settle down on one of the corners to make our firewood stove and keep our other stuff along with many other family groups that would come there from different places but would follow similar practices. The other side of the temple had a handful “Ural” and “Ammikkal” (Manual Grinding machines) which women would timeshare to make food for the families and would make friends in the process. They shared firewood, they offered Arivalmanais (custom-made knife-like utility for women), they exchanged cooking methods, they spoke gossips and they even ended up finding pairs for their offspring. To say the point, even in the male chauvinistic world, women remained/remains the fulcrum of our families.

People had their ways to provide their offerings. If you go now you can be attracted towards a car custom made in size of a big size TV, that would mean someone wanted to buy a car and once that dream is fulfilled they would come and offer this to this temple. Similarly, there were miniatures of houses and babies. (I think, I remember this was predominant in Velankanni as well, where I was surprised by the spectrum of offerings. Different religions - same emotions!). People also write letters to Navaladiyan. Their miseries, grieves, desires all they would write and hang it in the naval tree in an eternal hope that the horse-riding Navaladiyan will help them get over it.

Those that offered lambs or cocks had a procedure as well. They would bath them and wait for their consent before butchering them. Another common ritual is when the lord himself would come down on the pujari while doing the Pooja and would drink the blood of the cock or sheep right from its neck. (I understand in some places they offer ox or pig, but the story remains the same). We would the burn the liver (A lamb liver) in firewood and give it as a prasadam (Yes!!) to our families. The liquor that was presented to god also is treated as prasadam and apparently in some places even women would have a peg of it. When the Poojas happen in midnight all people would leave the pujari in isolation to finish feeding the food to the lord. The pujari would take off his cloths, stand naked right in front of the deity, throw the rice soaked in blood in the air, and would walk away without turning back. The belief is that the rice wouldn’t come down.

If I can group all these practices under one word, it would be a “Keda Virundhu” (A goat feast). The underlying theme is the same. I have a certain prayer and if my lord saves me from the evils that would come on the way, I ll do this pooja to my make him happy and offer to host my relatives to celebrate it. The food that we prepare for our guests is very very unique and that is where the cult lies. Morning we would prepare idly with “Kodal kari” (lamb intestine curry) which allegedly is the best of the combination for idly in our cuisine and afternoon it will be a banana leaf meal with Mutton, chicken dries, curries and boiled egg. (Make a note, this menu is what you can expect in any “Keda virundhu” if you visit the people of Salem region). Some of our Mamas, Periyappas and Chitappas would go have some “Sarakku”(Liquor) to round off this celebration. Since Navaladiyan stayed in a riverbed, we would go to have a swim in the afternoon and believed Mother Cauvery would wash all our sins away.

On our way back, in the evening, we would carry the remaining food in the same tempo traveller. Now, it is a different smell. You would see the people are all exhausted having been under hot sun all day and afternoon swim would have tired their body out and they would want to go and sleep off. We would stop the vehicle somewhere in the middle and have our dinner (Rasam rice was the most preferred option) and part our ways. Sometimes we did a 'Drishti' (with a lemon or with a coconut that has camphor burning on it) for the whole vehicle to stay away from the wicked eyes. The host and guests would sleep in satisfaction that having visited Navaladiyan and praying him heartfully they would begin a new chapter of hopes for the rest of their life.

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Last Sunday, I along with my family visited there by driving my car all the way. My sons are of the same age as I mentioned myself above. I am sure we would visit this place more in future and that would create a different memory for them about the same place. But I would go on record saying, the car journey was not as joyful as the tempo traveler one.

 I remember the first day of my college. I sat in the first row. To my right was the girls row. There was something noteworthy about that sight. They had worn good clothes. I can hear you saying , "big deal!". Yes, it was. Those were the kind of dresses and colors which I had never seen someone wear in all my life. Those clothes fit perfectly, they appeared apt to their physique and I learnt that day, that it's a way in which you can be more presentable. I remember some of the many conversations with the girls. They had a vision of what they are going to do in life. They even had a vision on what I should be doing in future. I nodded to them politely.

I remember my Team Leader in my first job. She was a show-stealer. She was handling the team like a seasoned pro. Team would always second her as if they were obliged. She had absolute command over what she was saying. More so when she was talking to the senior management about her plans. I assumed she must have been used to the system for a few years at least. No, she was hardly a year old in the company. I was awe struck.

Later, in another job, I discovered a strong woman in a leadership position. She was leading a business unit. I hadn't encountered women who occupied such positions. She carried an aura that I had never seen a woman carry. She was the most charismatic woman I had seen, placing her in my mind possibly only after Jayalalitha who I have heard a lot of stories about.

Enough. There ended my course correction, and my prejudice about women was all but over.

To be brutally honest, till I stayed home in my village, I was never serious about women's talents or career, and I hardly believed they could be competent. I always had thought that they could be extremely skilled only in household chores and help their spouses in their businesses if they are shrewd enough. But never in the wildest of imaginations did I think they could create identities of their own. The ten years I stayed away from home taught me great lessons. I gradually learnt what it truly means to think beyond gender boundaries. I began to let go of preconceptions and prejudice.

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There was the time when I met this father of a school girl in my village. She had topped her Class 12 exams. The father said he was proud of her and was going to admit her in a college. I started recommending courses I knew and listed the colleges that were offering them and the prospects. He seemed disinterested. He told me that he had already got admission for his daughter in the college nearby. He said, girls should remain in our ‘eyesight’ so that they are ‘safe’. The ‘safety’ he was referring to is, the girls getting into love marriages and even eloping with their loved ones. Here comes our casteism. What if the girl falls in love with someone not from our caste? It would get even worse. Thus, they justify their ‘safe’ game. I was shell-shocked.

More than a year of staying in my village (due to covid reasons), I realised that this is what is happening in most of the families that has daughters. You cannot even call ours a village, it's rather densely populated akin to a suburb and most of the parents have at least finished school education. Unlike many other Indian places where girls don’t get to complete even school education, Tamilnadu has come a long way in giving them the school education at the minimum. And in places like mine, they are mostly sent to under graduation, but the progress has only been by that much – for the sake of doing a graduation, so that they will find better grooms. You can counter me by saying it is a progression, it indeed is. But what is the purpose? You will let them grow only to the point what you think is good for them and never let them exercise their full strength. It is like saying I will let you grow your wings, but you can’t fly. I call it a new age oppression.

The other extreme is when even those girls who studied in nearby colleges find a job after their graduation, they would not be sent to work to other cities until they get married. Again, for all the same reasons. So eventually you are shutting down every possible option for them. (Do account the young moms that quit their jobs because family wants them to prioritize baby over their profession).

While I am in great admiration for the girls that have gone beyond all these hurdles (there aren’t many to recall) I am deeply saddened by the current state. When I came out of school this was the case way back in 2004. But the fact that it remains the same in 2021 is a pure shame.

I can recall few instances which I think are the reasons possibly how it all went wrong. I would be of remiss if I don’t call that out. In a generation of reformation, When girls started going out to study, there were this increasing cases of girls choosing their life partners right at the college. Some eloped to continue their marriage life without even informing families. It would honestly be shocking to any parent to see their daughters end up with jobless, degree-less guys or sometimes even those that already has mediocre careers. Well, let me make the point clear. Caste is none of my concern, but the credentials of their choices. It would have been far smoother, if they took time to time to complete their degree, settle in on a career and make a well thought decision of who would be their partner or how they want to go about their respective careers. Girls should have started to realize or should be taught to get their priorities straight. If you choose love or marriage over career, it is like letting someone else be in control of your life all the way. The mistakes by ‘some’ ends up creating adverse effects on the families and around and thus the society. Thoughts extend to the boys as well. If you truly love a girl, you will not rush her into marriage and ruin her life, instead you will be a support and help her in all her endeavors.

Well, let’s be honest. Parents are casteists and they will remain so for another couple of generations at the minimum. But they may compromise if their daughters shape up great careers. If the next-door girl goes onto achieve greater heights that would inspire them hugely to send their daughters out. This indeed is a butterfly effect. I am a true believer that Empowerment should start from within. Be a catalyst of the change than falling prey to circumstances. As I have experienced with many wonderful women in my life, you should be calling the shots of your life. If you start doing it, you will start to see a life unfold beyond unimagined boundaries.

I would request the parents as well. Your imprudence will cost your daughters their life. They will never be able to live a life true to their potential. Marrying someone and bearing children and raising them up all life should never be the life objective. There should be an identity beyond that. If not parents, the “Educated” brothers of the girls should help in supporting their sisters. Guys, you know, you could be their only hopes.

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A frequent sight I come across is of my immediate senior akka, washing and drying clothes in my next street. She was touted to be the smartest kid of those years in my primary school. In a parallel world, she would be driving a car to the busiest of offices in bay area. I hope fortunes change for my cousins and nieces to scale greater heights and to see a world their seniors were not privileged to.

I wake up every day to my mom’s call to enquire my health. She has been doing it for almost ten years now. Probably there is not a day in which she failed to call me.

I come to office after having a healthy and delicious breakfast prepared by my lovely wife, she has been doing it for the last four years. Probably there is not a day in which she failed to take care of me and my health.

I start to take my work and get to communicate a lot with my friends (Who are girls) at work place. They show tremendous clarity and commitment towards work. 

For every man women mean a lot, right from the days of being an infant, men see the world through the eyes of mom, sisters, friends, wife and daughter.

When a man is a kid, he is pampered by all the women surrounding him, Men realize that woman means love and affection. For us understanding of feminism starts with the love showered on us. 

When men grow into their teen age, their friends show what it is with being a girl. They tell your mistakes, help in correcting them and play a very important role in transforming them from boys to men. 

When men start to work we get to see the knowledge and intellect of women. As a boy coming from a village, I ve been dumbed many a time by the extraordinary talent of women that I work with. But it only helps in respecting them more and more and more. 

When a man becomes father, he starts to see the world differently with the eyes of his daughter. He breathes a fresh air with his daughter.

Every day every minute men get to understand and realize more about women. Starting from love,care, affection, beauty, versatility, clarity, decision making many emotions and skills are taught to men by women. This is a good day to honor and thank them back for all of them.

There could be no denial that women are linchpins of any family but I would say women are the linchpins of this revolving world in so many matters. And I say that with pride!

The hand that rocked the cradle for so many millennia, and there is no doubt that it can rule the world as well. Thank you ladies for all that you have been doing and wish you all success for all that you do in future. Wish you a happy happy women’s day!

It was a post lunch session. We were on a walk around the corridor around our office. That is where we get to know many things about the team, organization and the country. Isn’t it? That day the topic was about a forest that lies in the Tamilnadu border. This colleague of mine is a non-tamilian (I am taking atmost care not to tell which state he belongs to) and he was telling that he could see a lot of elephants in that forest. Suddenly to everyone’s surprise he cracked a poor joke, saying “The elephants which are there are not tamil elephants, but they are black though” and he started laughing. Nobody else talked for a minute. I remained calm too. I din show emotions of offence. I took a while to settle down myself and then went to him and said, “Man, you shouldn’t have told that, that is an offence and please don’t repeat such things” But he never cared, he started arguing that he was right and he continued to remain stubborn in his stand, the worst thing he tried to convince me to take in a sporting spirit and kept telling it was just a joke.

I ve always felt, rather than reacting immediately it is good to remain calm and let the offenders know about the issue when  they are in good mood. (Learnt from my mom’s school of human relationships) But when we tell them about it and if they don’t care what to do? As a professional one should take minimal care not to hurt the sentiments of any other human being. To a certain extent I believe words flow faster than our brain could think and we end up with words that would hurt. But then what is wrong in apologizing? At least when someone comes and tells that he is hurt?

Emotions are always subtle. You never know when and how you are playing with it. But shouldn’t we  apply some sense? One of my friends was looking for a transfer from Pune. Amidst all her marriage preparations she found it really hard to get it going. Her supervisor was simply dragging it for no reasons. Once he played a game that if she could tell which god the statue on his table represents then he would initiate a transfer otherwise she would be denied. What non-sense? Is your sub-ordinate a playing toy or what? How one could completely ignore the feelings of the person on the other side. 

The other day when we had gone for an official tour with all my team members, I was casually roaming around the riverside like every other tamilian I was wearing a lungie. All those who passed me started making fun of it at my face or gave a cheap look. I never thought wearing a lungie is such a sin. That has always been a casual wear for most of the tamilians. What worries me more is that even the people I admire the most end up doing such silly things.

There are people even in this corporate world who talk about the community; there are people, who talk rubbish about a particular race, There are people who talk non-sense about women at their absence and there are people who are always there to stab you at your back. They never seem to realize, all could one day or the other turn out to be offences for some or the other. As a human being we do commit mistakes and should we not try to reduce such mistakes for one’s self than for anybody else? If not we could be professionals in behavior, let us be human beings at the least!

“Kavitha! My marriage has got fixed”
.

“Hey! Congratulation Prakash! But why are you so sad for that. You are supposed to be happy. Are n’t  you”

.
“Had I told it to someone else, I would have told it happily,kavi! But I am not able to pretend to be happy to you”

.
“hm.. You have not forgotten anything I suppose..”

.
“How kavitha?  How can I forget it so easily.. forget me.. what about you? Have you forgotten everything?”

.
“Forgetting and not forgetting are all beyond the discussion Prakash. I am pretty clear. Moreover, thinking about the past I am not ready to lose a good friend like you”

.
“Friend? Pease do not use the word “friend” any more kavita! I am not so cheap to claim my lover as my friend”

.
“But I ve never thought you so!”

.
“You are lying”

.
“If you think so.. That’s not my mistake”

.
“for argument sake you are telling it”

.
“huh, In that case, You do not know the difference between truth and argument”

.
“No, you do not the difference between love and friendship”

.
“c mon. This is going crazy”

.
“… You are cheating yourself kavitha! Tell me frankly, from the bottom of your heart, Don’t you love me? For heaven sake accept it kavi! I ll spend the rest of my life by hearing those words”

.
“I ve alredy told whatever I wanted to tell you Prakash! There is no point in asking it again and again. Just for your happiness I don’t want to lie and I don’t need to do so also”

.
“Sh*t! why the hell all the girls are so tough-hearted?”

.
“No! Boys only confuse themselves without exactly knowing what is love and what is not”

.
“Sick! Boys are all stupid and girls are the most intelligent creatures on the earth. Aren’t they?”

.
“I didn’t mean it”

.
“Then? What else did you mean?”

.
“Cool down prakash! I guess you are little confused! Take a breadth! You are going to get married soon. A new angel is going to enter your life to bring you all the success under….”

.
“F**k off, you and your bloody philosophies.  Please do not advise me; rather you kill me with a sword!”

.
“Ok. Leave it! What do you want me to do?”

.
“Don’t do anything. Keep quiet for some time”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

.
“Kavitha!”

.
“Hmm!”

.
“Over these eight years, as I ve felt, did you not feel anything? To tell in your words, have you not ever thought about taking our friendship to the next level?”

.
“..”

.
“why are you silent? Answer me kavitha?”

.
“No Prakash! Honestly speaking I ve never thought so.. you believe it or not, I have always seen you as a good friend only”

.
“But I am not able to think so kavi!”

.
“That’s not your mistake Prakash! You like me. You believe that I will be a good wife to you. I am not able to think about it wrongly from any angle and you have never made me feel uncomfortable with you”

.
“Then you can agree to me”

.
“See Prakash! Again I am telling, I like you so much. This eight years you have taken care of me like nobody else in the earth can! You have proposed very decently. Starting from exams to the interviews, in all simple things you helped me largely. But..”

.
“But what..?”

.
“But that does not necessarily mean that we should become life partners. There is nothing that you do not know. I do have certain limitations. Some family and societal restrictions. Fortunately or unfortunately, I ve  been brought up in that culture”

.
”I am ready to come and talk to your parents also right.. why aren’t you accepting it..”

.
“No Prakash! They believe so much that we are only friends. We should not disappoint them at any cost.”

.
“How kavitha! For all questions you have a ready-made answer”

.
“If there is a question there is supposed to be an answer too Prakash”

“…”

“…”

.
“Ok what are you telling finally?”

.
“I am telling that I ll come as the first guest for your marriage”

.
“I am not ask…”

.
“”Prakash! If we talk like this we would keep on talking like this forever. Leave it! Forget everything and enjoy your married life. Where am I going to go? I am going to be here only, with you always”

.
“..”

.
“even If you ignore me, I ll not hate you. I ll always be there to hear your philosophies. I ll pat on your head, whenever you do small mischievous things. I am going to be the first reader of all your articles. For all your birthdays I am going to be the first wisher. Ok?”

.
“hmm.. ok”

.
“why are you making a disgusting face dear?! look here! Bring the Prakash-only-trademark-smile in your face”

.
“ee..eee”

.
“Yes! That’s my boy! Then, give your fiancé’s phone number. I ll have to tease her for some time”

.
“9036131410”

.
“K Prakash! I am leaving… I ll go home and SMS you”

.
“..hei!”

.
“..hmm.. tell me!”

.
“…”

.
“..”

.
“You are a wonderful article kavitha! (long pause)

Take care and I mean it, really”

.
“…Th... Thanks Prakash! Bye!”