This was about 6 or 7 summers ago;
we were having a small function. We had
a guest at our in-laws’ home. He was my wife’s relative. He was sitting alone.
I was busy doing my work. My mother in law called me. “nga, Go and talk to this
person, poor guy is sitting alone. I am busy in the kitchen, you should engage him”. I was like, “Me??
What will I talk to him about? I don’t have a ‘subject’ to talk to him”. She
immediately responded, “I know you can talk on any subject and even without a
subject. Just go sit next to him”. I duly obliged. Her interpersonal skills and
the way she took care of people around always inspired me. If street smartness
was personified as a woman, it would be her.
On another occasion, when we were
attending my wife’s convocation, the speaker was repeatedly using the word
‘Graduand’. I had not heard the word before. I got a little carried away with
my proficiency in English and said it was not the right word to use. She humbly
corrected me that it indeed is a word and was used in the right context. Her
language skills were always admirable and could comfortably speak in 4
languages (Tamil, English, Kannada and Telugu) and I guess a bit of Hindi as
well. I had never seen any of my friends or family with that skill. Not just
knowing the languages, her command in these languages and the ‘Art of speaking’
was incredible. She was a pro in that.
The Shattering News:
The peace of our home was shattered to shards when we heard
that she was diagnosed with Breast cancer. This was in October 2016. I had
hardly known anyone in my circle to get this disease. I had recently read about
a cancer survivor in one blog. So the immediate feeling was, we can find the
right treatment for her and would be able to cure her as well. Financially we
were stable, and we thought we were in a good position to offer the best of the
possible treatments.
Except…
The second opinion we obtained in Bangalore did confirm that
she was in ‘Stage 4’ and she had a maximum of two more years to survive. I
refused to believe it. I reached out to all the possible contacts in my circle
who would be able to guide us with the treatment options. My friend Dr.Madhan
reached out to the experts in the Delhi State Cancer Institutes and some
doctors in Tamil Nadu with the reports. My brother in law (Nithin) discussed
with the doctors in the US. We did not hear a word of hope from anyone (or at
least from the qualified specialists). We were desperate to hear a word from
someone that would console us to save a life. Unfortunately, there wasn’t one.
Nithin was due to come to India the next month and when he came, we met the
best cancer specialists in Bangalore. That’s when I got familiar with the
terminologies like oncology, surgical oncologist, PET CT, Chemotherapy etc.
Those days were painful.
Oncology et al.:
Dr. Sandeep Naik and Dr.Suresh Babu - two of the renowned
doctors in the field of oncology run a clinic in Jayanagar. It’s a small
clinic, but that carried some heavy emotions of the people who visited there.
Patients would come with lost hair. That very sight was intimidating. It warned
us of what was going to come in the future. Their eyes were filled with despair
or hope at times. When we visited them, we had to wait for about 45 minutes.
(You also come to terms with the waiting time when you meet the “Specialists” –
and the consultation time). If you have not visited such specialists in your
life, please appreciate it. You are blessed.
Dr.Sandeep Naik
examined the reports and comforted the patient. He was a very good
communicator. My mother in law could understand English and could speak
reasonably as well. He told her exactly as much as a doctor should tell a
cancer patient and Nithin and I had to go back for a quick meeting to
understand things in black and white. He confirmed that she was indeed in Stage
4 and he recommended a PET CT to confirm the severity of the developments. But
with the earlier reports, he advised that this cannot be cured and we can only
provide support to improve the quality of the rest of her life and at best, the
patient was looking at two more years of survival. I had never heard a more
cruel message in my life.
Nithin and I decided to keep that to
ourselves. My wife was expecting. So I didn’t want to tell her the full story,
though she kind of guessed what was happening. We didn’t want to reveal this to
my father in law as well. We somehow convinced everyone that it can be cured
with the best of the treatments. The doctors had initially prescribed some
medication and we told everyone that with this medicine we will see
improvements. I remember the journey back from the clinic to home. My mother in
law did seem to notice something and asked him, “This is not like you driving.
Typically when you drive we don’t feel any jitters. It's not like that now.
What’s running in your mind? Are you hiding something from me?”. Maybe she
sensed all this, she possibly knew all that was happening around her. But she
never wanted to discuss much about it and spoil the mood of the family. She was
still taking care of us, like every mother does. Games within a game.
Why? :
There are pains of undergoing a PET CT. It is a costly
procedure. It cost around 25000 INR per scan. The doctors always suggested to
us the economical options of performing whatever procedure they recommended.
For e.g, the same scan would cost about 20 - 30% more in Apollo or Fortis
Compared to Clumax. We did not have insurance. Having insurance would not have
helped either. You can’t stop wondering about the non-sense of the insurance
clauses in India. They come up with innumerable conditions so that you would
try to avoid reaching out to them as much as possible. Compared to the
developed countries we have a long way to go in the field of insurance. I am
aware, there are plenty of untold stories of sufferings of people with
insurance and without ‘coverage’.
This PET CT Procedure takes about 2 hours including the
preparation time. I was working for Philips healthcare. I had a fair idea about
how scans work. For the uninitiated, PET CT is a scanning technique that sends
radioactive substances into your body and observes the changes in the metabolic
processes. For cancer patients it identifies the extent to which the cancer
cells have penetrated your body and to which areas. Any CT scan requires the
metals in your body to be removed. My mother in law had to remove her jewels
and ‘Thali’ and hand it over to me. Most of the time, it was only me
accompanying her to the scan centre. Every time we had to do the PET CT,
whenever she handed over the ‘Thali’ to me I would be jerked. I could never
handle it emotionally. I somehow managed to not show the emotions.
The result of the PET CT is
something you do not want to see, especially if the patient is battling the
later stages of cancer. The cancer cells would have encroached the entire body,
it's like rats running ruckus in a grain storage. You would see your precious
biological organs being eaten by the cancer cells literally. Later, another day
when I took my mother in law for a movie, we saw the cancer awareness advertisement
at the beginning. She asked me, “I never smoked, never had liquor or any form
of tobacco, why did I end up with cancer?”
Alternate Medicine :
After our first visit to Dr.Sandeep Naik’s clinic we had all
but given up on Allopathy medicine. They had advised us to come after a couple
of months and start Chemotherapy in an attempt to extend the inevitable. We
discussed and wanted to avoid the pains of undergoing Chemotherapy. One of my
acquaintance’s father had cancer. He suggested us to meet some of his contacts
to try out ‘Alternate Medicine’ and that’s how our journey of Alternate
medicine was started,
The first person we met was an organic farmer who claimed to
be an expert in making ‘Panjakavyam’. We all know what Panjakavyam is, right?
Panjakavyam is made of cow urine along with the other dairy products. He was
very confident about its effectiveness on his agri products and suggested the
same would work to treat cancer as well. He was a follower of late.Nammazhvar
(A famous Organic farming activist in Tamil Nadu. He also suggested avoiding
certain types of foods and non-veg completely. We did make her take Panjakavyam
and all the diet food that we were recommended. But we were not seeing any
signs of improvements and we knew we were running out of time. We were in
constant search of other options.
We also met another person who believed his wife had
successfully overcome Breast Cancer because of the ‘Alternate Medicine’ they
followed. He suggested that we go and meet the “Siddhar” in Badravathi (A city
in Shimoga district located about 280Kms from Bengaluru). The Siddhar gives a
medicine that allegedly cures cancer. The very words he used were, after taking
the medicine, the tumours will shrink and fall off like ashes. He gave us a
contact (let’s call him Vikram) who would help us when we went there. When I
called Vikram, he told me I can come and collect the medicine any time, just
that I would have to inform him a day in advance so that they would prepare the
medicine afresh. He also said that the medicine would cost 40k.
One of my wife’s
cousins and I were all set to go to Badravathi but he dropped out at the last
moment. I decided to go alone. I loathe solo travels to new places. I don’t
know why, but for some reason I have always wanted someone’s company on any
trip. This time I was all alone in a
passenger train that goes from Bengaluru to Shimoga. If you ever want to see
all colours of human life, travel in a passenger train, especially if there is
one at night. I landed in Badravathi in the early morning about 4 AM. I had
been told by Vikram to catch an autorickshaw to go to Subramanya temple. It’s
about 8kms from the railway station and there were hardly any signs of human
habitats on the way there. The auto took a right from the main road and went
into what looked like a typical unmanned forest. There were no lights. It was
pitch dark. I wondered whether this was the right place and called Vikram at 5
O Clock in the morning. He confirmed that this was the place and told me to
walk further about 100 meters to the temple.
When the auto left, I was really scared. I was standing in a
place where there were no humans in the vicinity and had no idea whether I
would get to meet someone at all even if I went further. I was also carrying
money that put me even more in the spot of bother. This all could be a
conspiracy, right? I thought, “Someone’s plotting against me. I am trapped.”
Anyway, I had no other options than moving ahead. Fortunately for me, after
walking for about 5-10 mins I found some light. (Light at the end of the
tunnel, literally and figuratively). I saw a temple there. There was a small
hill and this temple was on top of it.
It looked like a typical Lord Muruga temple in Tamil Nadu. (Imagine a
smaller version of Palani). I have been to Arupadai Veedu (The six famous
temples of Lord Muruga in Tamil Nadu) and other famous temples. So, seeing a
similar one there gave me a sense of relaxation. Construction work was going on
and the newly constructed steps took me to the temple without much fuss.
Finally, I found someone at the temple and he welcomed me. Rather surprisingly,
there were rooms to stay. They had been recently built and were really clean.
That new person asked me to stay in any of the rooms. I was relieved and
grabbed some sleep. Don’t imagine a 3-star bedroom with all the amenities. It's
just a clean room with a fan. You have to sleep on the floor and take a bath in
the tap water. Good enough or rather, more than good enough compared to what I
originally expected.
I called home and told everyone that I am safe. At least I
wanted to tell that to myself. I saw someone walking. Two rooms next to mine,
there was an Aunty staying. I started talking to her. She was all in awe of
this place and told me that she comes from Coimbatore and her daughter has an
incurable disease. After taking the medicine she started showing signs of
recovery. This was some ray of hope for me. I am a firm believer in medical
science. My logical thinking suggested I should not believe in this. However I
had come this far. So, why not go ahead and hope for a miracle? What if life
has chosen me to play that miracle?
Apparently, this place would host a lot of pilgrims during
“Thaipoosam” (Or Panguni Uththiram, I am not sure). The Swamy here is
considered to be carrying some divine powers, like how everyone of the godmen
of our country claims. I was told he is more than 100 years old and he has
cured a lot of patients with his touch. The medicine he gives is hoped to be
curing the toughest of diseases. This entire temple was constructed by the
money offered by Swamy’s devotees. When I later met Swamiji, I understood he could
barely walk or move. But the amount of money that the devotees have splurged,
has helped him construct a big sized temple. Mind boggling. The money that is
spent on temples and in general, religions is beyond imagination. I have seen
it from the place I hail from. People who are reluctant to spend money on their
children’s education or for their own health for that matter, go and spend
thousands and millions on their religion. I really hope for some sanity to
prevail. This is all unaccounted money. Nobody can even track this. In my
ambitious world, one day in India we will have a gutsy enough leader that will
help us bring out and curb all the black money transactions.
Let’s get back to Badravathi temple. I was offered a good
breakfast. There are volunteers who help the workers in the temple to prepare
food and serve to the visitors. The visitors were typically the devotees,
medicine seekers or the regular visitors to the temple. Vikram came there after
I had breakfast. He enquired about my stay and ensured all was well. He asked
me to show the reports of my mother in law and asked some ‘diagnostic’
questions. After all that, he said he will convey all the information to
Swamiji and it will take till the evening to prepare the medicine. We had a
group of people visiting from Kerala. They were also undergoing the same
process. I was offered a good lunch as well. After spending some time in and
around the temple, in the evening, I was called to meet the Swamiji to get the
medicine.
Swamiji was old. Could barely talk or walk. He looked like a typical Siddhar with a long
beard and all that. Swamiji and Vikram are the only two people that run the
temple. Vikram gave me the diet plan, medicine with instructions after getting
a touch of blessings from Swamy. I made a note of all the instructions and paid
37000 rupees and returned home the same night.
I did go to the place once again and paid about 10000 next
time. But on both my trips, I could sense that both Vikram or the Swamiji
didn’t have the bare minimum education to understand what cancer is. I was
being cheated in the name of religion and god powers. I was totally aware. But
then did we have a choice? A big No! This is when you realize your education,
intelligence and smartness don’t work when you get into desperation. You will
end up doing foolish things hoping for miracles – only to be exploited by many
around you.
Episode 2 of the exploitation on a
larger scale:
We took the medicine for a couple of
months. There was no perceived change in the size of the tumour or the pain.
That is when we were informed by someone to try out the Narayanamurthi,
Ayurvedic cancer treatment in Shimoga. Shimoga is no new place to us, it is
right after Badravathi to where I had already done a couple of trips. But here,
the ‘medicine’ would be given on specific days. Mostly on week days. We were
told that there was a big group of people waiting to get the medicine, and
hence to try to go as early as possible. So we started one night by train, and
reached there early in the morning. Before even the train stopped, you could
see many getting down from the running train and running like mad chickens to
the auto stand. We were no different. We duly followed the procedure and
reached the place. The autos would drive crazily to get you to the Ayurvedic
centre and hastily return to pick up the next savari. Insane sights.
This place is a village. There are
hardly any facilities. Nor is this a hospital. You will not have a proper
toilet, water or food. You need to manage with whatever you have brought or
whatever the small shops opened there would give you. When we reached, there
were already hundreds of people that had stayed there overnight, some still
sleeping under trees, on their cars, on
roads etc. Some were brushing and going out in search of places to
attend their nature’s call. This place is visited by almost a thousand people
on the days when they give medicine.
Word of mouth is a blessing. Word of mouth is an evil. The
people who turn up there are from all the south Indian states. They come in
hope, they come in desperation, they come in search of the last ray of hope for
their loved ones. You will hear stories of pain, agony and stress. Not only
that, there would be stories of cure, rejoice, miracles, and resurrection. But
this is all a myth. India is a place where you can sell myths, rather very
convincingly. That was my learning having gone through this entire episode of
‘Alternate medicine’. From the Organic farmer to the Siddhar in Badravathi to
the Ayurvadic practitioner in Shimoga and to the other lady we met in Mukkali,
Kerala, They were all selling myths – for big money though. Not backed by any
scientific evidence, they make a living out of it. I am reasonably sure that
those that sell these myths, they themselves don’t know they are faking it –
they strongly believe that their myths would make miracles and it is a pity
that the receiver doesn’t know they are being cheated either. This is a vicious
cycle – unfortunately it ends up deciding the fates of many.
In
one of my visits to Dr.Suresh Babu, I asked him directly. “There are people
that are queuing up day in and day out to get the medicine from Shimoga, and
you’re saying that it has no impact and it's all a myth. How is this possible?
Surely not all of them can be naïve to accept and promote such things, right?”
He patiently replied, “I am aware of this place, Prakash. If that medicine is
proven to cure/make even small improvements in cancer treatment, I will be the
first to recommend and research it. But it is not. When people are left with no
hope, which we have to clearly communicate in some cases, they try out some
other options. We cannot say no to that. But eventually some day they will find
out this isn’t helping. Or they will keep following till the inevitable, assuming
it is keeping the patients healthy – which might be because of the nature of
the spread itself.”
The spectrum of ‘beliefs’
People
have different levels of understanding on a subject. In my exploration of this,
the fact has been really vindicated. You cannot go and explain to someone that
their belief is wrong. The belief takes over them so much that they are really
convinced and spread those to others in an earnest attempt to help their
acquaintances. We live in a world where there are firm believers who believe
that a Ganesha idol can drink milk on its own, ink on beetle leaves can find
lost items, time of birth can predict your future and all sorts of such myths.
I am reminded of a place in Tamil Nadu - Vaitheeswaran Temple, where they
say there is a document (olaichuvadi) available for every born and to be born
human being of the world written by our ancestors. Ironically it is not one,
but there are many astrologers that can fetch it for you. I couldn’t believe
this even when I was kid, but then the very fact that it happens here and
people go and believe is a proof of what we are taught to believe for ages. The
unconditional beliefs on spiritual customs and not questioning their
credibility has always made me feel bad for those who follow it. We are taught
to believe science and a sane head would always ask radical questions about
anything that defies science.
I
was a victim as well. One day we were told to go to a mosque, where in a prayer
hall all will be assembled. You have to place both your palms on the floor and
pray for something. If the Lord is going to approve your prayer, both your
palms will come together and touch each other. To my astonishment, everyone who
I met there told me that their palms indeed joined and they had a sense of relaxation
in them. Note, this is not a small crowd. There were about 500 people present
there. I could only wish for their wellbeing and may they be relieved of their
sorrows.
This
was sort of a repetition in that year. We tried all possible medicines, all
possible temples, rituals and spoke to all those who had sufficient knowledge
in that subject (or even the amateurs)
to understand the nuances of this disease so that we don’t leave any
stones unturned. I was in a discussion with one of my relatives, who had
recently lost his 20 year old son to cancer. He told me that he drove overnight
and day to Rajasthan (For about 2000 Kms in a day) where someone told him they
are giving cancer curing medicine. But he couldn’t save him as well.
While
all this was happening, in Shimoga I met a mother and son who had come to get
the medicine. They told that she was in the early stages of cancer and they
couldn’t afford treatment so they were coming here. But I personally told this
kid (he was in his final year of college), not to believe this and recommended
him to take his mom to a proper cancer treating hospital. Women generally are
worried about their breasts being removed which they believe will lead to
embarrassment and unwanted talk in their society and they delay the treatment
as much as possible, which results in their own dismay. I told them to take
this seriously in early stages before it goes out of hand. Fortunately, they
listened and after a few months we got a call from them saying they had done
the surgery to remove breasts and she’s out of cancer. I felt really relaxed.
The Practical call:
This
– our search for alternate medicine - went on for a while. But her health
started deteriorating rapidly. She started complaining of back pain. We went
back to Dr.Suresh Babu & Sandeep Naik. They were surprised that we didn’t
come back to them after the initial assessments. They could even guess what we
would have been doing all those (about six) months. They resumed their
investigation. This time, her back bone had been severely damaged. They
initially suggested an immediate surgery and they felt that it would be so
severe on her body and suggested for some ortho back support – this is kind of
a ‘belt’ that you need to wear supporting your spine always. It will help to
alleviate some pain. However, considering her current health, they also
suggested that she immediately start Chemotherapy.
Both
these doctors are visiting doctors to many hospitals. This time we were in HCG,
a famous cancer treatment centre in Bangalore.
For the ortho back support, we had to go to MS Ramaiah Orthopedics,
where we understood they treat you with world class ortho equipment. While the
back support was a temporary relief we had to start chemotherapy in order to
provide a better quality of life. We started chemotherapy in Bangalore
Hospital. (The name itself is ‘Bangalore’ hospital). The doctors had suggested
the chemotherapy medicine to be purchased directly from the vendors – to reduce
the cost. While Dr.Sandeep Naik is a Surgical oncologist, Dr. Suresh Babu is a
specialist in Chemotherapy. He was very patient in answering all my questions
and I kind of developed a good friendship with him in those days.
As
my wife was expecting at that time, she could not stay in the hospital with her
mom. It would be me, my mother in law, and her Sister in law, Malar in the
hospital. We were the trio in most of the subsequent hospital visits. Though
the situation was grim, we typically made it light by not talking too much
about the illness. We inherently being positive people helped us overcome the
nausea that the hospital visits were.
The Other Problems
Initially
we were suggested to do three or four rounds of chemotherapy and later based on
how she reacts it would be continued. My mother in law started staying with us
for the first three chemotherapies that were done in three weeks intervals. For
the six or seven weeks that she had stayed with us, there were rumours already
spreading in her village about her health. That’s the curse of living in a
village, along with the boons that it brings. And she started worrying about
facing the villagers when she went back. She wanted to keep her health details
confidential. We did not tell anyone about what exactly she was undergoing. She
was more worried about the loss of hair that would follow the chemo treatment
and then others would come to know her sickness. We even devised a plan to
shave her head off, offering to the god in response to a prayer.
This
is a precarious situation of our society. When it comes to treating patients,
we are not great. We don’t show any signs of sympathy about the diseased. We
rather ill-treat them or bad mouth them in their absence. Especially with
respect to some diseases, we treat them like untouchables. Never in our wildest
imaginations, we believe that this could happen in our very family, let alone
oneself. Life can throw surprises to anyone anytime. The least we should be
doing is to belittle our fellow human beings for their shortcomings.
Palliative care
Her
health was not getting any better. At one point, doctors decided to stop
chemotherapy suggesting that her condition would not let us do chemotherapy
anymore. We were advised to continue with palliative care. What is palliative
care? – It is nothing but a dire situation where there is no more cure expected
with the current treatment and we will need to treat based on the symptoms that
surface. In one of the many discussions I had with Dr.Suresh Babu, I asked him,
“How do you manage the stress, Doctor?”. He opened up, “It is not easy ,
Prakash. You have to find your own ways to come to terms with it and it is an
unforgiving exercise to repeat the same for many, many patients. The only
solace we can take up is, we are able to cure many of the patients but some we
cannot do much. Once, when I was asked to head the Paediatric Oncology
department in a famous cancer institute in Chennai, I declined that offer. I
felt it would be even more taxing on my mental health”. I was shocked that kids
end up with cancer. In my wildest imaginations I couldn’t believe a kid can
bear the rigours of this treatment, nor their parents. I wish and pray, I never
hear any news of anyone impacted by this disease.
In
this journey, it would be remiss if I don’t mention the flexibility my office
provided. I was working for Philips healthcare at that time. Philips is a
company which is widely known for its excellent work-life balance. Even in the
pre-covid era, work from home, or flexible work timings were not new for
Philips. Their policies were a lot people friendly and it is one of those
companies which really cared about their employees. I used to take early offs
and at times work from hospitals (in my own interest) and when we explained it
to the management they always were in support to attend our family needs,
Leaves were always like I-decide-I-take-my-leaves. All done without any
compromise on my career with the company. Sure enough, Philips is one of the
best companies to work for in India.
Time
was flying. We were racing against the ultimatum that doctors had originally
given. Two years, it was. We had about 6 months left. She got Jaundice. Again,
as advised we proceeded with palliative care. This time though, we had
insurance. I had opted for a corporate health insurance which covered
pre-existing illness as well. Nithin had to come from the US as her health was
getting worse every day. If I remember it right, we stayed in the hospital for
about a week three times. I remember a nurse telling us, “At this stage I have
seen many leave the patients in the hospital and go away. But you are staying
here, taking care of the patient is a great thing”. Yes, Family - of all the
‘systems’ that this county has managed to degrade and kill - remains as an
unassailable system that binds hearts together. We can happily live in this
country just for this very sake.
That day!
Even
this time, in her swansong days someone told that there is someone in Mukkali,
Kerala who gives some medicine to cure
cancer. When my father in law asked whether we should go and check, I
immediately said yes, we didn’t want to leave any stone unturned. We travelled
all the way to Kerala to get a few bottles of liquid ‘medicine’ in a final
attempt to cure her. Having very well known that this is just going to be
another episode in our futile journey of ‘Alternative Medicine’ we still went.
That was again the last throw of our dice and it hardly made any
difference.
Meanwhile
we had to manage the relatives who were thronging us saying we should have
informed them. We needed to manage this as well. Even in her last days, we
managed not to tell them about the actual disease. Only in the final few days
we revealed the condition. And they took it out to build a lot of stories,
which came back to hurt us in many ways.
I
was heartbroken (to say the least) to see someone trying to loot money even in
that situation from us in the name of doing poojas. Well, thinking a little maturely,
I couldn’t stop myself from blaming the numerous stupid practices that happen
in the name of religion and the society that has accepted it without any
reasoning. What’s even more appalling was, we were even accused of not taking
care of her well enough because that would cost a lot of money. I could only
feel bad for their foolishness. Another incident, where someone else cursed me
on face, saying I am encroaching a lot of space in their family. That was a
moment of understanding harsh realities of how people look about you. In one
situation you may be entrusted to make life decisions for others, but in
another your mere presence would make others uncomfortable and this is for
weird reasons. Some practical and some not really. You have to move on.
All
this happened while she was hospitalized for the third time and while we were
just counting the hours. Eventually that night came. THAT NIGHT! That night
which can be humbling to anyone, That night which can teach the lessons of this
frail life, That night which can slap anyone as hard as it can get and That night which I never believed should
come, indeed came. A doctor did his final investigation and said, “As you know,
her time has come. We can extend the inevitable by keeping her with the support
for a few more days, But that is not going to help her anymore”. There we lost
her, we would not be able to hear from her anymore. Her engaging presence,
sheer optimism, sparkling aura and just the way she carried herself all her
life – I am sure I am not going to find anyone like that ever.
I
went and saw her inside the ICU finally. This disease had taken every bit of
her. Her face was hardly the same self that she was a year ago. She totally
looked like someone else. Nurse came in to do the discharging formalities. I
requested her to clean her up and make her more presentable when she was
discharged. Yes, Presentable. For someone, who lived like a queen, it would
only be appropriate if she is made to depart like a queen.
This
entire debacle happened between Oct 2016 to May 2018. It has been 4+ years
since she left us. But memories of her have hardly faded away. She hardly spoke
about death. It was more because, I think, she was not scared about it, but
wanted to keep us in the positive frame of mind always. Some of the comments
made by the relatives and neighbours did disturb her at the end, but she always
wanted to remain as bold as ever. Even in her final days when she lived off
morphine, she never wanted to give up and cooperated for all the medical procedures.
She remained a true fighter.
I
wanted to write this and keep it documented for multiple purposes. It is for
people to know the ordeal by a family when they are faced with tough situations
and also for my children to appreciate how as a family, we faced tough times
and came out of it to build this ‘home’. For me, this was a relationship that
came in the middle of my life. Someone that was caring for me as much as my
mother was. Also, she was a unique woman that I admired greatly. But this relationship
was not to last long. That would be the only regret of my life. As I grew up, I
gave up a lot of superstitions and started thinking rationally. However, If I
am allowed to be superstitious and given a boon for only one divine request, I
would bring her back alive, without any other deliberations.
